I Am An Amateur. Always Will Be.

“You’re just an amateur photographer.” He says with malicious eyes, glinting with amusement as he watches my face grow redder. It’s not like it wasn’t true. I was an amateur photographer. Still am. But that wasn’t what set me off, it was the way his phrase dropped short in the air, as if he was expecting me to rise to the occasion and plead for my right to be known as more than just an amateur photographer by him. It was as if he expected my confidence to depend on his opinion, that set me off.

To this day, I definitely do let those words get the best of me. Just now, instead of posting some pictures of my foggy and deserted street, his sharp words slipped back into my ears in a distant memory, said by a slithering snake in the back of my mind. You’re just an amateur photographer. You’ll only ever be an amateur photographer. You’ll only ever be an amateur at anything. You lack the capability to build any skill in a subject, so why do you even keep trying?

“Yeah,” I laughed, trying my best to remain calm and not go off on him. He was the one who only took pictures of buses anyways, there wasn’t any variety in his photos. Plus, he used an iPhone. It wasn’t like he actually knew anything about a camera. I was the one who had taken courses, and had been shooting for almost two years on a professional camera. I was the one who knew what photography was, not him. How dare he say that? “I guess I am.” Was all I ended up saying, nonchalantly. I was not about to give him what he wanted.

Although poisonous words still plague me, darting out from the cracks they’ve made in my skull, now more than ever I strive to prove all of them wrong. I’ll always love photography, whether or not I’m the worst or best photographer on the planet. No one can change that, so why should I let him have any affect on how I share my passions with others? The answer is simple: I shouldn’t and I won’t.

The same goes for any of you who have ever been attacked for doing something you love, or pursuing your passion. Whatever it may be, there might be plenty of times you are told off by the people around you. Whatever they say, you must keep going. Proving them wrong can be the best sort of revenge, and when you take those insults and transform them into motivation for improvement, nothing can push you further.

After all, I am an amateur photographer. And an amateur writer, and an amateur pianist, and an amateur swimmer, and an amateur scientist, artist, student, daughter, friend, person. I am an amateur, and I think I always will be. There’s too much to learn to ever become anything other than that.

{Pursue your dreams, kids!}

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13 thoughts on “I Am An Amateur. Always Will Be.

  1. It’s true, we are all amateurs to begin with, but we work hard to strive in the fields we love most. I can tell you are going to go far with you photography, with your writing, with your life in general, because you have the heart of a true professional.

    Liked by 1 person

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