DISCLAIMER: This post contains zero TATINOF spoilers. It basically just summarises how I felt there, and afterwards. Any events mentioned were only small “mistakes” that happened during the show (that were the most adorable things ever) and that probably won’t happen at any other show. They don’t reveal any part of the plotline or what happens during the show, so no worries, you can read without spoilers!
As I sit here, at a park near my house, scribbling on a lined paper in something that strongly resembles chicken scratch, I can’t help but wish I could do the whole thing over again. The whole experience. No, I didn’t meet them, nor do I even remember as much of the show as I would have liked. Sometimes, especially after the show, I tend to think about the real Dan and Phil. What each of them would be like if we saw them when there wasn’t a billion screaming people around, if there weren’t any cameras rolling. Sometimes, it can be quite heart wrenching; knowing (or at least thinking you know someone) but not being able to ask them about what they think, not being able to check whether they are actually happy with what they’re doing, even though they say they are. I can honestly say that never knowing them on a personal level is something that I find extremely saddening, and even distressing. But even so, I realized, with the wind blowing across the bridge of my nose and the distant whistle of a cardinal only just audible to someone who wanted to be akin with that bird, free in the sky: Even though they may never know my name, (or remember it, for that matter) or ever realize I exist, the friends and experiences I’ve made because of them have proven to be worth it.
Going to TATINOF with my best friend was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done; laughing when Dan spilt milk all over himself on stage, smiling like an idiot as Phil dropped his cane in the middle of the performance, singing Fall Out Boy at the top of our lungs, chorused by tons of other people who loved them just as much as we did; I’ve simply never felt so connected to another group of people my entire life. Not only that, but the amount of inside jokes that made everyone scream as if we were all about to be slaughtered was amazing.
Mostly, though, the thing I enjoyed the most was the people I did get to meet through them. I may never get to know Dan and Phil on a personal level, but the people I met at TATINOF made me laugh just as much as they did. It made me think: I can’t be sad about not knowing Dan and Phil if I met so many people because of them! So far we’ve been talking everyday, saying good morning to each other (we may have even planned to move to London together eventually) and we’ve bonded so much just over these two YouTubers. If that’s not what Dan and Phil would have wanted to come from this tour, if that wasn’t what the show was for, than I don’t think I would love them nearly as much as I do.
Their videos can send me from lying on my bathroom floor, sobbing and struggling to breathe because of a panic attack, straight into laughter and mild sniffles. Sometimes, they’re all I need to stay calm during the day; wearing their sweater makes me feel that if I mess up too badly, embarrass myself too horribly; they’ll step straight out of the fabric and comfort me with open arms. Although I may not have the perfect memory to have a perfect photo in my mind of what they each looked like at every moment during the show, or even ever become one of their friends, the lessons and memories I’ve had because of them will certainly stick with me forever…
I watched some young girls throwing a ball around the park for their small yellow lab, each giggling so much that it only amplified the thought that made my heart swell inside my chest;
TATINOF was definitely the most fun I’ve ever had.